Wacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man’s Bones (5/4)

Recently we have been reading quite a lot about booze, and even more recently, apples. Also, apple booze, which really makes me question the intent of Applejacks cereal. Alcohol has been present pretty much ever since the start of controlled fermentation. That is an awesome and cool thing.

Beer was the first alcoholic beverage to make its way into civilization, probably just by accident. If one leaves some grains in a pot with some water and yeast long enough, it will ferment and become alcoholic. I imagine the first person to drink beer was much like the first person to drink milk from a mammal that is not a human. “Hmm, I wonder what this udder produces will be tasty… OM NOM NOM!” The situation is somewhat the same, except with beer it was, “Oh, I wonder what this smelly liquid filled with chaff and stuff from grain tastes like, OM NOM NOM!” The pleasant buzz obtained from drinking the beer probably helped. After beer came wine, which with which came the rise of pretentiousness. After wine came distillation of wine into brandy, which came with the rise of drunkenness. Brandy is wine, but with the alcohol boiled off and reconstituted into a more concentrated solution.

These concentrated solutions of alcohol burned the throat, and some were called the “water of life.” Alcohol is awesome, pretty much, and it has been awesome since its first drinking. Wine is distilled into brandy, corn alcohol is distilled into whiskey, molasses is distilled into rum, and apple cider is frozen… and the resulting alcoholic ice is called applejack. What is the cereal Applejacks trying to do to our children? Get them drunk? I think so. Let us ban this ridiculous cereal, and go back to drinking applejack!

I’ve grown indifferent, sideways,

Hulking Manatee

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About Hulking Manatee

I'm an MSSMer, so... I'm insane. Yes, absolutely insane. Bonkers, even.
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One Response to Wacko Jacko Steals The Elephant Man’s Bones (5/4)

  1. William Popov says:

    Your spelling is udderly (pun intended) dreadful 😉

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