What Sound Does A Mastadon Make? (4/13)

Well now I cannot look at corn in the same way. I want to slap it for being such a terrible plant. The blasted thing cannot survive without us. Us being humans, of course, not aliens and their crop circles and whatnot. Those are just ridiculous.Do not get me wrong, I love corn. If cooked correctly, it is delicious. I enjoy a good corn on the cob, or even some straight up steamed corn. Corn is pretty tasty, in my eyes. But it is a terrible, terrible plant. Why do you think it is such an easy plant to eat? It is because it is a horrible plant. A good plant would have some sort of protection from animals trying to grab at it and nom away, but “No,” I imagine the corn saying, “humans cultivated me into a superfood, easy to pick, easy to manage, and easy to store. I am awesome in that aspect.”

Yes, corn, you are a pretty awesome food. I will give you that. But you’re silly. You were bred (by selective planting) to not fall down and break when ripe, and you have huge ol’ kernels that are easy to get to. Take a look at your old self, corn, before humans thought that breeding you specifically to make you awesome food. You were a tiny little husk, protected and hard to get to. You were a great plant. Look at yourself now. I… I am sorry. But it has to stop. It just has to stop. Unless, of course, you like being one of the main staple foods of society.

Corn, you are a multi-billion dollar industry in the United States, which is pretty much amazing. I mean, look at the mid-west. You are the only thing there. It is all you.

That night haunts you,

Hulking Manatee


About Hulking Manatee

I'm an MSSMer, so... I'm insane. Yes, absolutely insane. Bonkers, even.
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2 Responses to What Sound Does A Mastadon Make? (4/13)

  1. bethanyhartley says:

    What amazed me about this fake corn stuff was how easily genetically modified it was. The article made it sound like there was very little time and process involved to change the plant which is scary but kind of awesome at the same time.

  2. bensmgb says:

    I love the way that you presented your argument Logan. The way in which you write is very interesting to read. Oh, and one thing we have in common, other than liking bacon, is liking corn. “whisper”…..bacon wrapped corn…..

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